Good parents can have bad days
Hey guys, I do my best to be a good parent but let’s be honest, sometimes I fail. Don’t we all have mishaps as a parent sometimes? Here’s a story to hopefully make you feel a little better about your parenting today because last week my son got left at daycare until closing time.
Sometimes things fall through the cracks
Last week my husband and I both had busy days; Jake with a full day in the operating room and me attending an all day holiday event put on for my clients at work. I am usually home for daycare pick up but this holiday event is a once a year extravaganza that takes all day and lots of planning at work. I thought I had also had it all planned out at home.
My mother in law was coming to be with the kids when they got home from school and spend the night. Jake was going to pick up Sam from daycare and drop him off at home, then he had to be at a dinner about an hour away. I was going to finish up with our party at work and then go out to dinner to unwind with the rest of the nurses.
A moment of panic
It is 556pm, I have just arrived at the restaurant with one of my coworkers and I see a text from my mother in law that sent me into an instant panic. “Hey Kathleen. Did Jake get Sam? They aren’t home yet and I can’t reach Jake.”
- My son is usually picked up around 430pm
- The daycare closes at 600pm
- I have not heard anything from daycare or from my husband
- I serial call Jake and he doesn’t answer
I’m sure my coworker could see the color drain from my face as I’m playing out various scenarios in my head. My mind went to “omg have they been in a horrible accident?” but I snap out of it and call the daycare. After confirming that yes, Sam is still at daycare and apologizing profusely to them, letting them know I’ll be there asap I basically throw the gift I’m holding (for our secret Santa) at my coworker and say “I have to go get Sam!” and rush out the door.
“Sam, I’m coming!!”
A few minutes later my husband finally calls me back and apologizes, saying his surgery ran long and he is just scrubbing out. Now that I have confirmed that both my husband and my child are safe I am temporarily pissed off at my husband.
How easy it must be as a father to be able to completely put the children out of their mind and assume they will be taken care of. The one time I actually did successfully put the children out of my mind and embrace my long day at work, I am snapped back into reality with the current situation I’m in. Me frantically driving to daycare, upset that my poor kid is still there at 600pm, upset that he might be scared and sad, upset that I am majorly inconveniencing the daycare teachers as they should be on their way out the door while I’m still driving there, upset that my husband didn’t communicate that he would not be picking up Sam, upset that I am now potentially missing a child free night out that I had been looking forward to for weeks.
After a moment of self pity, I make a decision. I call my coworker at the restaurant (almost in tears) and better explain what’s happening. I say “can you please order me something to eat.” and make the decision that I am still going to go out and enjoy myself. A younger version of me would have picked up Sam, gone home, not gone to dinner, and stayed pissed off and resentful of my husband for the next week.
But I have grown over the years (with lots of therapy and some medication thrown in) and so this is what I did instead:
I picked up Sam and again apologized to the staff stuck at work late because of me. Sam was the last one at daycare of course, but he was safe and he was okay. I gave him big hugs and also apologized to him for being late. As we’re walking to the car, I let Sam know that I was going out to dinner and Grammy was at home with his brothers.
Now, I had planned to go drop him off at home and then go back to dinner. But, mom guilt set in quickly and when Sam asked if he could come with me I immediately said yes. I had just deserted him at daycare, afterall.
Dinnertime
We drive to the restaurant and go sit down with the nurses somehow before orders have even been taken (the one time I was grateful my coworkers tend to run late). I’ll admit, my son does not generally sit well when we are out to eat and I was worried I would not be able to enjoy my evening. That night however, he was amazing. We did get up for two trips to the bathroom (that kid is obsesses with potties whenever we are out in public) but he otherwise sat well in his chair and talked to me/colored while I was able to eat my entire meal and chat with my coworkers.
Clear communication is key
I could have chosen to stay mad at my husband but the reality is – we are both to blame for this situation. And also, we are both human and deserve some grace. I assumed that morning that Jake was fully aware he was responsible for Sam. He was told that I was going to be at my event until 6 and then was going out to dinner after all. I assumed that meant he was aware, but I should have specifically said – “Jake, you are in charge of Sam today. If something changes, you need to call me.”
I am not always the best communicator. My husband will vouch for me about that. But I do not take full blame in this situation. Because while I should have communicated better my expectations to my husband. My husband should have been thinking about what was happening with Sam when he realized he was running late instead of just assuming I would handle it.
The moral of this story is to communicate with my partner more clearly. And that we are all human, we all make mistakes. This means that we are going to disappoint our children throughout their lives. It is going to happen no matter how much we try to avoid it. But that is okay, because they will experience disappointment in other areas of their life and it will teach them how to manage it. The repair in this type of situation is also important. I apologized to my child and made sure he knew how much he was loved, I didn’t try to pass on blame or make up stories, I told him in simple terms what happened. Then we moved on and enjoyed an evening out with my coworkers.
